Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
