yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
