I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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