Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
