READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
