hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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