God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
