Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
