never play flip cup with pint glasses
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
