i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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