I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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