Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
