i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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