I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
