Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I didn't notice because vodka
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
