Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
