I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
