i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
