grandma shit on top of the toilet
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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