Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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