i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
