my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
