Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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