Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
