I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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