I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
