My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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