I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
