she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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