I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize