i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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