Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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