I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
