omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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