god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
