"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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