I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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