I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She announced her abortion via fbk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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