In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
