i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
