he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
