No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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