I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
