they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
