I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
