WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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