Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
