we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
did you just send me my own nude
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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