...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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