Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
