I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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