Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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