Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
