I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
