i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
