i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
