I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
