Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
