I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
high people should be assigned attendants
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
