and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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