It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
