all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
