i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
