It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
