so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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