Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
where am i from again
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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