I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
