im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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