i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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