So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
