:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
