Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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