I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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