we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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