I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
