finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
