i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
