On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
