Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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