Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
