i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
