What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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